Saturday, July 15, 2017

I Found Hope

Before I begin writing this post, I ask Allah to protect the man that I love and myself from evil eye. May Allah fill your heart with love, kindness and light.


I've always had trust issues with men. But tonight, instead of expressing my issues here, I decided to write about a man who did many things to make me happy and how I found hope again in my love life.

If this sounds weird to you, it's fine to feel that way. We all have choices in our life. You can choose – so can I. You can choose to continuously see things negatively or you can make peace with your mind by shifting your thoughts to positive ones. I have options to choose between writing about men negatively and feed my anxiety more or I can choose to write a post about a man's efforts that slowly change my negative perception. Of course, by writing this down doesn't change the fact that all men can't be trusted but I can help to encourage positivity and help to open women's minds that in this world there must or has to be one man who you can trust in your life – it could be your father, your brother, or even your son. I'm also writing this as a way of helping myself heal with my trust issues.

In the past, I had quite many experiences of being dumped in a relationship. This kind of experience does not only affects me emotionally but also mentally. I became mentally fragile – I lost the ability to trust people especially men. To live with this fear for years in an extreme way was a struggle. There were times where I felt scared of being in love, I didn't even allow myself to get to know another man and not even a chance for them to get to know me. That was how extremely afraid I was at that time – as if I was living inside a room with tough walls – walls that I built by myself. But I thank God for showing me a way out. I broke the walls slowly with the help of my friend. Since then, I began to see that good men still exist and it brought me to where I am today. What happened in the past is all water under the bridge now.

As time goes by, I have also learned that people change. Umar Al-Khattab once said that people with the worst pasts can create the best future. I've seen a man who I have known since I was 16 changed to be a better person than he was before. Masha'Allah. I couldn't be more proud him now. Grateful is the best word to explain the feelings I have. To see a spoiled boy grown up to be a responsible, dedicated, caring and loving man is amazing. Alhamdulillah.

To recall back 5 years ago, this man that I'm mentioning now is the man who came all the way to Sabah to surprise me on my 20th birthday – but I left Sabah without notice on the very same day he came to surprise me which pretty much broke his heart. This man was also the one who travelled 4013 miles away to Brisbane just to see me. The man who never gave up to search for me when I blocked him from every channel that he could find to contact me but finally he won – he added me on WeChat and that time I forgot that it was automatically approved. The man who will always try to find some time to spend with me whenever I come to visit, who will always make me feel like a Cinderella being fetched at the hotel entrance. The same man who broke my heart 7 years ago but came back loving me unconditionally and accepts me the way I am. The man who works extra hard now to make our dreams come true. I could go on and on but it's best to keep it to myself.

Now, I found hope again. Because of this experience I'm starting to believe that every person with the worst past can change to be better and that everyone deserves a second chance. As a human being, we are far from perfect and making mistakes are one of the ways we learn to improve in life. If that is our nature, then who are we to judge one another?

I'm grateful for the life and the feelings that I have now. No words can describe how thankful I am to be where I am today. Alhamdulillah. For this amazing man, thank you for everything you've done – from time to time trying to prove that you have changed and that even after all these years your love for me still remains in your heart. Thank you for not giving up on me although there were times when I already gave up on us, and for the times where I tried to do everything to make you feel annoyed at me but you never did. Thank you for making me the happiest woman that I am now. I pray that may Allah keep you istiqamah on the straight path, increase you in rizq, protect you from evil eye, and increase love in your heart towards your loved ones – your family and me. Allahumma amin.

I may not know what the future holds but I hope and pray that someday you will be the man that I'll be spending the rest of my life with. Insha'Allah.

For my readers, there could be among you who have not yet found peace and hope in life. For you, I pray that may Allah open your heart and soften it.

Last but not least, please make du'a for me.

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