Sunday, October 16, 2011


“My greatest pleasure was the enjoyment of a serene sky amidst these verdant woods: yet I loved all the changes of Nature; and rain, and storm, and the beautiful clouds of heaven brought their delights with them.”

— Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley

Friday, October 14, 2011

From the heart

I wrote this while listening to Adele’s “Hiding My Heart”. I’m not quite sure what I feel right now. All I know is something is bothering me. I think it’s time for me to come clean. It’s almost a year now and the memories keep haunting me. It makes me realize how hurtful love can be.

“…I can’t spend my whole life hiding my heart away”,

I wish I could let go of this feeling and bury the memories. I wish our love could have remained as effortless and as simple as that. I wish it would have been easy for us. It wasn't. It’s not easy for me up until today and I wish I could tell you this. But I’m not that strong anymore to face you. As my heart couldn’t take it, listening to your voice and reading your messages, my heart just couldn’t take it anymore. I wrote this merely to express what I feel. Though I know you won’t be reading this. I’m still trying to move on. Still. I take it you’re happy now with your life. I wish I could be happy with my life too just like you. And though, I am no longer the reason behind your smile, I still wish I am. But it’s fine for me. Seeing you smile is enough for me now. Knowing you happy makes me happy too. I hope you’re doing fine there and remember me always.

So, I guess time will heal everything. I just have to keep moving. I think that’s enough, of hiding my heart away. And let it open again but only this time, this time I want it to be safe and protected. I’ll wait for the right person. In a meantime, I’ll pray to Allah earnestly that someday when He feel that the time has come and send me someone, I want that someone to be the best for me. InshaAllah.

Friday, October 7, 2011

A simple note about love

Love can hurt us so bad…but at the same time it can heal us too. Love can drive us mad. It can drive us crazy. But one thing for sure, if we truly love someone with sincerity, no matter how bad they’ve treated us, we’ll never get tired of listening to “I’m sorry” or “it won’t happen again, I promise” repeatedly. Love is a human nature.

However, in my case, I guess I’m not trying to resist love. I just don’t want to be hurt anymore. For now, I think chasing His love is the most vital thing to do. Because I believe that in the end, I’ll meet someone who will fight for me and who is worth fighting for. It is only the matter of time. Everyone has their own dream guy and I have my own too. But in order for me to meet my dream guy, I have to improve myself and change the bad side of me first. I am not perfect, indeed I’m not. I did a load of mistakes in my past and slowly it taught me a new lesson in life each day.

I will always believe that true love exists. Though, I’ve been hurt so many times but I think it’s fair enough because I hurt others too. I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt anyone. Sometimes things can be so hard to explain. And sometimes the most important part is the hardest thing to tell. If I say that living the single life is fun, that’s the biggest lie ever. It drags you into emptiness. Your heart feels cold and at some point you forgot what it feels like to love someone. Yet, I believe everything happens for a reason. I am slowly drowning in the sea of His love. He loves us unconditionally, and I want to love Him unconditionally too. By loving Him with all my heart, I’ve found peace.

At certain times in life, things don’t work out exactly like what we want. The future is unpredictable. We can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, remember? Have faith in Him. Believe that He is the best planner of all and his plans are always the best.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011


“Smile is the best medicine.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.”

So keep on smiling :)

Tuesday, October 4, 2011


Summer Intoxication - Day 343/365

“I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds on my neck.”

— Emma Goldman

It's 6.54 pm. The sun had finally moved toward the western sky. I've spent my whole day at home today. The past few days were the most tiring day for me. I've been thinking to start on a few projects since I have nothing to do at home. In a meantime, while waiting for the offer letter to arrive, I can value my free time with something profitable.

Anyway, I'm a fan of roses and I love butterflies. I've noticed that lately I began to love the lavender. I like it because of its colour. Don't you think it's pretty? The purplish-grey colour. To me it's beautiful. So beautiful. I love flowers. I really do. A flower to me is a symbol of a woman. It's a metaphor. The beautiful one, which I love to equate it with roses, have thorns to protect themselves from being touched. 'Beautiful' not only from the outside but as well as from the inside. A beautiful woman won't easily let herself being touched by a man. As far as I can see from my dictionary of life, that is one of the reasons why I love roses.

My camera lens

These days, I rarely post or upload pictures in my blog and Facebook. I accidentally broke my camera lens. It saddens me to think about it because I would usually fill in my free time with photographing here and there. I haven't told my parents about it and I feel sick to my stomach. I'm worried about how my dad will react when he finds out about this.

A couple of weeks ago, I went out with my family. My little brother just bought a new camera, Lomo Instax Instant Mini. Phew, I don't even know how to shorten the name ! Anyway, so he went to Pixel to buy the instant film. It's a store selling cameras and so forth. So I was thinking that maybe I could go and check out how much the lens will cost. I started searching as soon as I entered the store and stopped when I saw Canon. Unfortunately, I could do nothing but stared at the price. I remembered a few days back, I was studying the lens because I was so curious thinking how did it happen? And I said to myself, never mind, it already happened I'll buy myself a new lens. I thought I could get it for maybe RM 600 or less. Back to where I was, I stared at the lenses, the cheapest one cost for RM 1000. A few steps away, two figures were standing at the counter. My dad and my little brother were about to finish and a few seconds later they went out.

So that is how the story goes.

Now, I can do nothing but zip my mouth waiting for the right time to tell my dad about it. Oh well, I hope I have the courage to tell him now. In a meantime, I can only use my webcam or blackberry to take pictures. Sigh.

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Hello October

October has finally arrived ! I'm going to miss September 2011. I know things won't be the same again for the next September. I guess that's the beauty of life. Anyway, I pray to Allah to bring more happiness in my life and to bring back the colour into my life. Amin :')