Monday, August 14, 2017

A Low Key Life

If you have been following me on Blogger, you should have known by now that I'm no longer active on social media – mainly Instagram and Facebook. Although I've never explained in detail about this decision, I did mention the issues that I'm currently going through in regards to social media in my previous posts. There are times when I think it's best to quit these social platforms for good. But to quit too soon may not also be a good idea. I had been an active user of Instagram and Facebook since 2012 or earlier. As much as I wanted to quit, I still had the best moments and memories with it.

When I was a very active user, I didn't pay enough attention to myself. I was so busy trying to gain attention from my virtual friends and strangers. The sad thing was I could feel myself longing for something but I didn't look through it so I didn't know what it was. I went on chasing for things that I shouldn't be chasing not knowing that I was only making the situation worse – uploading and deleting photos because it didn't go well with the feed, obsessing over the amount of followers I had, posting tons of selfies to gain likes and followers, and many more. But the scariest thing of all was I compared myself to other girls – be it about my body or facial beauty. I didn't feel happy about myself. There was a sense of self-hatred existed in me. I was not in a healthy state of mind.

Realising that I should do something about it for my own good, I decided to be away from social media for awhile. The first week of keeping myself away from these social networks was very helpful. I started to gain focus in life and manage to take care of myself emotionally. A week later, I felt happier and better than I did before. Though it had only been a week but the result was amazing! Subhanallah.

Now, it has been a month since I made this decision. To some people, this is nothing than just a simple decision made. But for me, it is more than that because by far it has given tremendous impact in my life. I still post photos and do instastories, but less often than I did before. I would post photos whenever appropriate.

If you're currently not happy with your life, my advice is try to distant yourself from social media. I understand there are pros and cons of social media but in time like this yourself need yourself the most. So take some time off and engage with other people more in reality than you do virtually. Find something interesting to do – like me, I would spend my time watching my favourite series.

I remember reading a relatable quote from a famous Indonesian celebrity,

“A lot of people were saying why I am so low key lately? It is because I am enjoying living my life instead of trying to prove I have one.”
— Acha Septriasa

It's true. When you spend most of your time posting photos trying to show or justify how you're doing in life or showing off what you have, you'll never be happy. Maybe on the outside but not on the inside. Because that satisfaction is just temporary. I hope by sharing this could help others to realise how damaging social media can be. We are getting older everyday yet we spend most of our time staring at the phone scrolling up and down. So busy living in a virtual world, we forgot to enjoy the reality.

Until then, good night everyone!







Saturday, July 15, 2017

I Found Hope

Before I begin writing this post, I ask Allah to protect the man that I love and myself from evil eye. May Allah fill your heart with love, kindness and light.

———

I've always had trust issues with men. But tonight, instead of expressing my issues here, I decided to write about a man who did many things to make me happy and how I found hope again in my love life.

If this sounds weird to you, it's fine to feel that way. We all have choices in our life. You can choose – so can I. You can choose to continuously see things negatively or you can make peace with your mind by shifting your thoughts to positive ones. I have options to choose between writing about men negatively and feed my anxiety more or I can choose to write a post about a man's efforts that slowly change my negative perception. Of course, by writing this down doesn't change the fact that all men can't be trusted but I can help to encourage positivity and help to open women's minds that in this world there must or has to be one man who you can trust in your life – it could be your father, your brother, or even your son. I'm also writing this as a way of helping myself heal with my trust issues.

In the past, I had quite many experiences of being dumped in a relationship. This kind of experience does not only affects me emotionally but also mentally. I became mentally fragile – I lost the ability to trust people especially men. To live with this fear for years in an extreme way was a struggle. There were times where I felt scared of being in love, I didn't even allow myself to get to know another man and not even a chance for them to get to know me. That was how extremely afraid I was at that time – as if I was living inside a room with tough walls – walls that I built by myself. But I thank God for showing me a way out. I broke the walls slowly with the help of my friend. Since then, I began to see that good men still exist and it brought me to where I am today. What happened in the past is all water under the bridge now.

As time goes by, I have also learned that people change. Umar Al-Khattab once said that people with the worst pasts can create the best future. I've seen a man who I have known since I was 16 changed to be a better person than he was before. Masha'Allah. I couldn't be more proud him now. Grateful is the best word to explain the feelings I have. To see a spoiled boy grown up to be a responsible, dedicated, caring and loving man is amazing. Alhamdulillah.

To recall back 5 years ago, this man that I'm mentioning now is the man who came all the way to Sabah to surprise me on my 20th birthday – but I left Sabah without notice on the very same day he came to surprise me which pretty much broke his heart. This man was also the one who travelled 4013 miles away to Brisbane just to see me. The man who never gave up to search for me when I blocked him from every channel that he could find to contact me but finally he won – he added me on WeChat and that time I forgot that it was automatically approved. The man who will always try to find some time to spend with me whenever I come to visit, who will always make me feel like a Cinderella being fetched at the hotel entrance. The same man who broke my heart 7 years ago but came back loving me unconditionally and accepts me the way I am. The man who works extra hard now to make our dreams come true. I could go on and on but it's best to keep it to myself.

Now, I found hope again. Because of this experience I'm starting to believe that every person with the worst past can change to be better and that everyone deserves a second chance. As a human being, we are far from perfect and making mistakes are one of the ways we learn to improve in life. If that is our nature, then who are we to judge one another?

I'm grateful for the life and the feelings that I have now. No words can describe how thankful I am to be where I am today. Alhamdulillah. For this amazing man, thank you for everything you've done – from time to time trying to prove that you have changed and that even after all these years your love for me still remains in your heart. Thank you for not giving up on me although there were times when I already gave up on us, and for the times where I tried to do everything to make you feel annoyed at me but you never did. Thank you for making me the happiest woman that I am now. I pray that may Allah keep you istiqamah on the straight path, increase you in rizq, protect you from evil eye, and increase love in your heart towards your loved ones – your family and me. Allahumma amin.

I may not know what the future holds but I hope and pray that someday you will be the man that I'll be spending the rest of my life with. Insha'Allah.

For my readers, there could be among you who have not yet found peace and hope in life. For you, I pray that may Allah open your heart and soften it.

Last but not least, please make du'a for me.